it is the moment when i start to cry....
that's wut i wrote at my fb's wall just now. felt so down, depressed and SAD!!! some people might know why i am: 'in this mode'. and some people might misjudge thinking i just broken-up with my bf. wutever lah. i dont want to explain details the reason WHY coz i think lets the dark part being there, laying there in my thought. i will keep it for myself :)
sometimes, i ask myself, my heart, my soul....(destined partner xde lg nk tnye hehe), why am i being this way? in this path. in this direction where me myself : doubful to where i am heading to. to south, to west..north or even kerak bumi! BLUR and BLANK. that's the emptiness creeping slowly to my heart. mula2 die serang otak, then moving down to hati, jantung. sometimes, i feel like i need somebody to hear my crazy thoughts, somebody to share my dreams, someone to share my pains, (joys tu xyah ckp la sbb sume org ade utk itu :) , someone that i can rely on. a friend but not a special person nor bf! nope, that's goes beyond my limitation. hehe. i wish i can have it. its just a friend. no need to be bestfriend. i hate the word bestfriend since i think sometimes a bestfriend can change to be a BADfriend!
p/s: mina, ko tak termasuk dlm soal ni, dun wory dear ;p
talking bout being in grief and despair ni, dh lame i left this word. i guess la coz i just realise it, selama ni i was in comfort zone. that's why i never rase nk nangis mcm skrg. kalu dl, mse zaman2 intern..selalu la jugak nangis2 ni. final year ni, last sem i did cry coz i felt like i was doing worst in my polymer's test 1. then, xde daa kot. tensen ngn fyp tu common sense la kot. even till today pon i do feel it. sem ni plak, right now, i am facing it. honestly, betol2 down. to whom i should tell? haa, nk cte kat kaklong, die busy ngn atiQ. of cos i understood her life now. so, keeping it urself sometimes can be a burden. makan dalam org kate. but what should i do? till...
i come to this...
"Sesungguhnya hanya di sisi Allah ilmu tentang hari kiamat;dan DIA yang menurunkan hujan, dan mengetahui apa yang ada dalam rahim. Dan tidak ada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui (dengan pasti) apa yang akan dikerjakannya besok. Dan tidak ada seorang pun yang dapat mengetahui di bumi mana dia akan mati.Sungguh, Allah Maha Mengetahui, Maha Mengenal."
Surah Luqman: Ayat 34
ayat ni dalam maksudnya. I just leave to you guys on how u want to interpret and understand it, because lain org lain cara die menyesuaikan dgn keadaan dirinya. and as for me, i shouldn't let the sadness tu become a cancer, but turn it to be something else...a vitamin mayb :)
because we will never know how our life will gonna be once we open our eyes tomorrow. it can be, a scar today change to the most beautiful part as everything happen tersimpan hikmah Allah. Allah Maha Mengetahui every single dot dot u face. thus, just trust Him, never give up to give a try and stay constant to where u r now. no turning back but, just move forward. insyaAllah. everything will be fine. aamin :)